You are confused on what path to take in the future. You feel stuck on where your focus or goals should be. Questions of "what will be the most beneficial direction for me to take?" I can feel worry of wasting your time on something that won't be worth while. I can see you have put a lot of your dreams on the back burner.
Rhiannon is here to give advice of weather positive or negative, you manifest the outcome. Maybe you chalked up your dreams to unattainable, not the right time or unrealistic. You cut your self short when you cut your self down like this. There is a reason you have these desires after all. What feels good to you? What feels right? This is what you should be putting your energy into. The future is closer than you think, so have a plan. Visualize and get clear on what you truly want and need right now.